The Life of a Freak

Zatím ahoj

“And I think I find, I know a lot of people around, in different cities, and so it’s not - it might sound strange - but it’s not that hard to say good-bye, because I know there’s other people where I’m going. I can sort of fit in in a lot of places.”
-Joe Sacco

In 2003 I was six years old and just going into the first grade. I remember being in my drive way, talking to a few friends about it. I told them my teachers name, and how I remembered it. 

Her name was Mrs. Roland, I remembered her name because she reminded me of cinnamon rolls. 

                                             (Roll… Roland. ) 

When I was little like this I actually liked school and I was excited for my first day. I already had a lot of friends from the previous year and I was really good at making new ones.

I remember the first day, when i saw my teacher. She was really pretty, and really nice. I remember having to take silly adding tests, and watching the teacher on the “Elmo”, I always wanted to write on there. I thought it was the coolest thing ever how when you wrote with a marker on the little clear paper it appeared on the wall. I imagined how it worked… I figured, the light in the bottom of the paper went into the little thing up top, and that thing had two mirrors in it and one was pointed to the words and the other to the wall. 

I wasn’t really called on much though to write on it, so i always told myself that I would be a teacher so I could write on it all I wanted. 

It was a silly idea, i know. I even knew then. I told myself that being a teacher had to be hard, and i wasnt really sure what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always wanted to be a princess, but they weren’t real anymore. 

(At least that’s what i thought… ) 

I figured I was too young to worry about a job anyway, ill just leave all that to my mommy and daddy. 

Art was always one of my favourite classes, and the teacher in that elementary school was nice. I remember one day, people were taking pictures for the year book. They came in my art class and I was so excited, I was going to be in the yearbook! Well, besides the picture that was already in there that everyone got of course. 

Not everyone could be in the picture though, I remember my friends Austin and Lisa , and I. Were suppose to stand by a desk and there was folders open on it. We stood there and smiled, and of course a few of our friends/classmates stood in the background. 

Giochi

“You must invent your own games and teach us old ones how to play.”

-Nikki Giovanni

When I was in kindergarten and first grade, I use to play with a bunch of my friends, both boys and girls, and we would sort of LARP. 

(LARP means Live Action Role Play.)

On the play ground during recess I remember running around laughing, pretending to be Starfire from Teen Titans. I had friends that would play with me, them being other characters from the show. We always had fun, who knew that when i got older i would still like LARPing?

We didnt even really know what we were doing, and i dont quite remember how it started. I remember people shouting who they wanted to be though:

“I call being Robin!”

-“I call being Starfire!”

I dont remember most of the characters names now, but we had a lot of people playing with us. 

Now, i just want to take a moment to tell everyone something. 

This blog may seem to be mixed up and random, but im trying to tell you all the events in order. I do make my posts about one specific thing, but i try to keep it in the same year of age. Roughly.

Thank you all who read this blog, it means a lot. 

Joulu

“All of us grow up in particular realities - a home, family, a clan, a small town, a neighborhood. Depending upon how we’re brought up, we are either deeply aware of the particular reading of reality into which we are born, or we are peripherally aware of it.” 
-Chaim Potok 

I remember this one Christmas when i was little where My mom, Shellie, and I had that spray silly string stuff and we sprayed it at each other after we finished putting the Tree up. We were having fun, but then we had to clean up the mess, which wasn’t very fun because some got on the ceiling. Well we cleaned it, and i don’t really remember what we did after that. 

We use to play Sega, Sonic.. Pacman.. Those fighter games.. stuff like that. One Christmas my mom bought us a Playstation 2. We bought this game called Kya dark lineage or something like that. My mom beat it before me, but it took me a few years to beat. I didn’t really play those that much because i was usually outside. 

That’s when i started wanting more video games… My mom loved Spyro. So we had like all of those games.

Abielu

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ”
-Mignon McLaughlin 

When i was four years old, My dad and step mom Tracy married. At their wedding i remember me and Kaitie were the flower girls. We wore Purple dresses, but my dress was too long and i kept stepping on it and ripping it. Kaitie’s was perfect and hers stayed fine. Kaitie and I didn’t know what to do with our flowers so we walked out and handed them to people and they said “Thank you” and smiled. Later that day when everyone was dancing Kaitie and I danced together. Then it was time to dance with our parents. I wanted to dance with Tracy because she was a girl… But i was suppose to dance with my dad. Its not that i didn’t want to dance with him… Its just that i couldn’t. He was a boy and i thought that was weird. I felt really bad telling him i didn’t want to dance with him at his own wedding… He told me it was alright, and not to worry about it. He told me he understood why i wouldn’t dance with him. 

If i could take that day back, i would. 

I wish i would have danced with my dad… but i can never make up for that. Sure there would be more dances with my dad in the future but i feel as if none of those can make up for the one at his wedding when i was four years old. 

I’m sorry, daddy. 

pictured: My little cousin Jillie wearing Kaities old flower girl dress at my uncles wedding. -Picture taken by my dad.

Pictured: My dad and Step mom Tracy getting Married. 

Ojciec

“He didnt tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”

-Clarence Budington Kelland

By now some of you readers may be wondering,

“What happened to your dad?” 

 Well, I still saw my dads on the weekends. He lived with my step mom, Tracy. 

(I don’t think they were married when i first met her though, i just don’t remember when i first met her.) Tracy had a daughter named Kaitlyn (We thought that was odd at first that her daughter and my name was the same but we got use to it eventually.) Kaitlyn is a year older than me. At my dads apartment, me and Kaitlyn had to share a room. We didnt always get a long to well, she would always pick on me. If she fell or got hurt or something she would scream bloody murder and i’d get in trouble. However, i still liked playing with her… she was the only other kid my age over there. 

I’ve always loved talking to my dad… However, when i was little i always said “Because of” and my dad would always correct me and say that it isn’t “Because of” its “Because” and he told me one day i would thank him for it. Eventually i stopped saying that though. My dad would never let me sit in the front seat of the car even though i was tall enough to. He said i wasn’t old enough. I thought that was stupid because my mom let me sit in the front seat. (She let me because she said i felt special, and like a big girl.) My dad also wouldn’t let me drink pop, he said it was bad for me. 

Over my dads house in the summer we would go swimming at the pool. I didn’t know how to swim at the time and had to use “floaties”, but my dad always tried to help me. 

When i was five, we went over my uncle Nick’s house. He had a pool and we would swim there. It was three feet deep all around it but in one part it was six feet deep. Well i was walking around the three feet, and i slipped in the six feet. Now keep in mind i didn’t know how to swim at the time. I remember seeing a lot of bubbles and thinking that it was really pretty. I was kinda mad because there was adults all around and no one tried to save me. I thought i was going to die right there, and i was sad because i didn’t even get to live my life yet. Next thing i know… Kaitlyn jumped in and saved me. I was a little upset because my dad was sitting a few feet away but didn’t do anything… Thank you Kaitie. <3 

Apprendimento

“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.”
-Ben Hogan 

When i was four/five/six, i had a lot of friends. One of my friends, her name was Stephanie. She lived next door, she was eleven years old at the time. Stephanie taught me a lot. She taught me my right hand from my left by putting a bracelet on my right wrist. That worked and i will always remember that. She also tried teaching me how to Rollerblade. I had these barbie skates that were four wheels that could change to be roller-blades. We switched them and she taught me, every day we worked at it, I got it eventually. I would always go over her house to swim, or play with her and her brother in their basement or something. 

Her brother, Chad, taught me how to play Yu-Gi-Oh. We would play it and i would always ask my mom to buy me more cards so i could find those rare dragons and stuff. I also liked Pokemon and would watch the show all the time and get the poke-balls with the little plaques. 

When i would go swimming in Stephanie’s back yard she would have life jackets and i was scared to swim with one because i didn’t think it would hold me up. Eventually i got over that fear, and swam with it. We would swim and play Marco-Polo and other games.

My mom taught me how to ride a bike, of course all my friends were there watching. The first time i tried, i fell and scraped my knee. That didn’t stop me, i got my knee taken care of and tried again. Soon i got it and i wanted to do all the tricks all my friends could do. 

(before i knew what a “Duck-face” was.. ) 

Nové

“It is my feeling that Time ripens all things; with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth.”
-Francois Rabelais

At the age of four My mom, Sister, and i all moved to a house in Warren. When we first got to the house, I thought it was huge! But then i found out we only got the bottom floor, but oh well i didn’t really mind. I loved that house so much. A little girl lived up stairs, her name was Morgan. She had dark brown hair and she was in brownies(or girl scouts i don’t really remember…) I think she went to a private school, because she never went to school with ME and she always had this uniform. We became close friends and i played with her all the time. We played upstairs in her room and listen to “I want candy” And i would sing it and jump on her bed. I think i went over someones house with her once… But i don’t really remember. Sometimes she would come downstairs to my house and we would have my sister make us oatmeal, but Morgan wouldn’t eat it sometimes because she said there was “sugar bugs” in it. (She said if you have it for too long that happens) Which grossed me out so i wouldn’t want to eat it…but i didn’t want to be a bother so i ate it anyway.

I don’t remember when but Morgan moved one day… She was just gone. That hurt and i really missed her… that’s when i started singing. I sang about how she left and i missed her and wished she would just come back. She never did come back. A little after she moved this other guy moved in that wouldn’t pay his half of the rent and my mom kept making me put letters she wrote on his door. I didn’t really think much of it then. There was also this boy who lived across the street. His name was Jordan Smith. He was the same age as me! We became best friends and played together a lot. I played in his backyard with him and sometimes we went inside and played in his room. I think he had a bird… but i don’t really remember. Jordan taught me what hand sanitizer was. When he first showed me it i was confused, I put it on my hands and i thought it was like soap. I asked him if i should wash it off with water and he said no, just rub your hands together. So i did, but i had too much of it and i had to use a towel to get some off. After that we went to his room and played with his “action figures” I was kind of a tom boy so i didn’t really care. 

One day i was walking home from school…well not home, i had to go to the babysitters who lived next door. I wanted to walk my friend Tanya Rodriguez home, she was on the way i a little bit i guess. So i walked her home and said goodbye (Random fact, but she always reminded me of the color red.) Then i started walking to my babysitters again. Once i got on our street Jordan ran up to me and told me that they were looking for me and i was in trouble. I got scared then and i hung out in his house for a few minutes, i didn’t want to get yelled at yet. Well it turns out i did get yelled at, and my mom grounded me for two months. 

When i first met Jordan he told me that he got ran over by a car once. I asked him how? Did he look both ways? He told me he did look both ways, it just came right out of no where. I guess that was understandable, so i asked him if he was okay. He told me he was fine, and we went off to play again. 

Because of the fact i spent a lot of my time playing with Jordan my friends would tease me and say i liked him. I told them i didn’t, but i never even thought of Jordan that way! The more i thought about it though, the more i did kinda like him. Oh well, i liked him as a friend. So i didn’t say anything. 

 One day i went to my Gaga’s house. (Grandma, I called her Gaga because when i was little i couldn’t say “Grandma” just Gaga, and i liked saying Gaga. No one else did.) My Gaga and I use to take a jar and go down to this body of water and catch frogs. We ALWAYS did that when i came over, so i went and got me a jar and off we went. We caught a frog, and i took him home in my jar. I showed Jordan and he told me we should let him go, he said they cant live in a jar like that. I was kinda sad but we let the frog go. (I wanted to give him the frog anyway) 

Pictured: Me, Holding the jar we cought frogs with- At my Gaga’s house.

Vrienden

“But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.”
-Thomas Jefferson 

I’m not sure when we moved into this house but, we moved to an actual house. I use to play in the backyard and play with the lady bugs. One of my friends i made there, she was a little girl my age and we would play with the lady bugs together. They lived on this shed in the backyard. My sister told me i shouldn’t play with the orange/yellow ones because they could bite me, but they never did so i still played with them. I decided that, they need love too… It doesn’t matter what color they were, they were just as good as the red ones. 

I unfortunately only remember having two friends from that house… 

One of my friends, a boy, came over one day to tell me that he couldn’t play with me because he had the chicken pox. I had told him it was okay, because i had a cold anyway. I think then i gave him a hug. I thought i couldn’t get the chicken pox because i was already sick… Which is weird because i never have gotten the chicken pox. 

One day, my mom was at work and i was playing outside… but it started raining. It didn’t matter to me, i loved the rain. It was so pretty and felt so nice. However, my sister called me inside. I told her i wanted to play more, but she didn’t take no for an answer. She personally brought me to my room, and i sat on the floor. After she walked away i looked around my room and saw a window. I figured, i could play and Shellie wouldn’t even have to know. So i climbed out my window, and ran outside. I ran down the street, my sister soon discovered that and started chasing me. I got to this busy road and i remember seeing a building with a lot of windows, and cars moving really fast. Across the street there was an old lady… But Shellie caught me and brought me home. 

Another time, Shellie was looking for me while my mom was at work and i was just sitting in the tree right above her laughing my butt off. (I loved climbing trees.) I later told my mom about it, and my mom laughed. I was a pretty funny child. 

Cambiamento

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 
-Reinhold Niebuhr 

When i was two i believe my mom and dad divorced. My mom, Sister, and i lived in apartments a lot when i was little. Unfortunately, there’s a story from when i was three and we lived in an apartment, and my mom was taking my sister to school… But my mom doesn’t want me saying anything about that so i wont. My Aunt use to watch me a lot (My Aunt Laurie) and she said i use to swear. She told my mom but my mom would never believe her,

her cakes would never do that. 

Well one time my mom told me to pick up my toys. We picked them up together i guess and i said some bad words… and my Aunt just started laughing so hard. My mom was shocked. 

but that was her cakes. 

She started making me put soap in my mouth every time i said a bad word, that got me to stop. I never really swore again, i was a good girl. Of course i was bad sometimes, and my mom was forced to “spank” me, With her belt. This particular time i don’t really remember what i did, but she chased me with her belt and i hid behind my sister. My mom told Shellie not to protect me, so i got punished. My mom didn’t spank me a whole lot though, i spent most of my time with my mom when i could. 

I loved watching Childs play, and i did it before bed too… One night (No my mom was not home.) I use to sleep in my moms room and i was watching Childs play, and i had just finished it and went to go to sleep… But shellies bedroom door creaked open. I said her name a few times but she didnt answer… She was sleeping. So i went to sleep, because nothing bad can happen to me when im sleeping. <3 

Beautiful

My darling Cakes,

You have such a wonderful way with words….

I love your page also very professional looking. 

You were adored then-and you still are adored by me =)

Love you all the way around the world forever,

Mom